Skip to main content

The One Best Gift You Could Ever Give

It’s nearly Christmas and I’m shopping at a department store.  A woman in the isle just ahead of me is pushing her shopping cart and begging her daughter to cooperate with her.  The little girl appears to be about four or five years of age and is dragging her feet and whining that she’s too tired to walk.  Her mom looks very tired and continues to plead with the child to keep moving.  Suddenly the little girl collapses on the floor and mom seems to be on the verge of ‘losing it.’  The woman picks up her daughter swiftly and sets her in the carriage.

Once placed in the carriage, the little girl begins kicking her feet and the crying begins.  Soon, she’s demanding to get out of the carriage and her mom is doing everything in her power to hold back her anger. In that moment, I felt so bad for both of them and wished there was something I could do to help.  Both mom and daughter are probably feeling the stress of shopping, the holidays and who knows what else.

I was a parent three times over and know exactly what that situation feels like.  In situations when my children were small, I remember feeling stress from three things: the complexity of our family schedule that the holidays brought on, the fear that I may not have enough money (or credit) to pay for all the gifts I wanted to buy, and the conflict brought on when the magic I was trying to create for my children from my own childhood, didn’t manifest itself to my satisfaction.

My children are all grown now and living productive lives.  One of them gave me my two grandchildren and I love seeing them get very excited about Christmas.  Their mom has done a great job of making it happen.  But if I could go back in time and do anything different, it would be to put more emphasis on being the person that I wanted them to become, rather than trying to make everything so perfect. 

Believe it or not, my story that I started this article with
actually ended well.  You see, the mother did a wonderful thing in that heated moment; she did not yell, she did not scold the little girl, and she did not ‘lose it.’  The woman reached into the carriage and picked up her sobbing daughter without saying a word.  She held her close to her chest and sat down on a sturdy display shelf.  For a few moments, they just remained there, ignoring any of the people milling past them.  The little girl cried on her mom’s shoulders and the woman remained silent as she gently rocked back and forth.

If you ever find yourself ready to ‘lose it’ with your child because you’re feeling tired or stressed, or because things just aren't turning out as you had envisioned, stop and take a deep breath before you act or speak.  See your child as just a child and forgive him or her, then forgive yourself.  Acknowledge the stress you may be feeling from the season or other factors, and hold your child a little closer.  Give your child the powerful gift of seeing what unconditional love looks and feels like.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Love and Logic has it Wrong... Again!

Children don’t often demonstrate respect because they either don’t know what it looks like or, as the Father of Individual Psychology, Alfred Adler taught us, their disrespectful behavior is their way of attempting to get unmet needs satisfied.  The secret to getting kids to treat their parents and others with respect is to first treat them with respect and to then help them find their place in the family or the classroom.  But the creators of the LOVE AND LOGIC parenting program would have you believe differently.  All parenting programs are not created equal and in my opinion, many are misguided and offer parents and teachers bad information.  It is my belief that we should not just be demanding and manipulating our kids to be more cooperative, we should be raising children who WANT to cooperate and be engaged in the family or classroom because they feel encouraged to do so. One of those programs that frequently offers misguided information and gimmicks...
6 comments
Read more

When Your Child Says "I HATE YOU!"... They are Really Just Mad

You've done so much for them, slaved for them, and sacrificed for them, and then if you don't give them what they want, they get mad at you. It hardly seems fair, all the things we do for our kids and they don't appreciate it. Then we hear them say things like, "I hate you," or "I hate this house." We hear, "You're a mean mom," or "I'm mad at you!" It's common for kids to get mad at their parents but the solution is the hardest for parents to do... just let them be mad. Effective parents learn quickly that they are not their child's friend; they are their parents. But if the parents aren't prepared to hear it and know how to respond, they get defensive or they get even. Worse, they give in to regain the love the child is withholding. I was in the toy section of a department store one day, shopping for a gift for my grandson. A mom and her little boy were in the same aisle, and the little boy, about seven, was admir...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Some Parents Spank

This is for all the parents who set out NOT to spank their children, but end up doing it anyway; you are NOT bad parents, sometimes you just don’t know what else to do.  I believe you may get frustrated to the point of using it to gain the child’s attention or as an attempt to stop challenging behaviors immediately.  I can say that I've been in your shoes!  I raised 3 children of my own and often felt myself get to the point of having the urge to spank.  So I feel for parents and know how hard it is when our children push our patience to the upper limits. (Photograph courtesy of David Castillo Dominici and freedigitalphotos.net) I was the oldest of eight children and took notice of my parent’s anger and how it would provoke them to the point of spanking, and they did.  I remember having the sense that one or both of them would be bothered by something outside of my control and then I would do something that kids do and it would push them to th...
Post a Comment
Read more