Bill Corbett

It’s BAD PARENTING 101… that’s what I term some of the advice being offered by Jim Fay and his LOVE AND LOGIC program.   His latest newsletter that arrived in my email box tells parents that when their child demonstrates any typical challenging behaviors, such as lying, arguing or getting mad, the parent should immediately use his “energy drain” technique to get the child to stop. This technique is basically guilt, something that many behavior health experts warn parents NOT to use.  To further explain his energy drain technique, according to Fay, as soon as your child begins to lie or argue, you should make her feel bad about stealing your energy.  And as a result, if your child decides to steal your energy through her behavior, she is going to have to pay you back by making up for it somehow. This is a great technique for controlling your child’s emotions and behavior, by putting him on a guilt trip for being human and for being a child, and then getting reve...

I was hired recently to conduct a training session for 40 foster parents who were in dire need of some help managing the challenging behaviors of their foster tweens and teens. Some of the stories the foster parents shared with me following the two hour session were heart-breaking: teens attempting to run away, intentional thefts, and even attempts by some teenagers to hurt others. Hearing the histories of some of these kids was equally painful. So many of them have been through incredibly difficult experiences, it’s no wonder they strike out and want to hurt others. During the question and answer period following my talk, one foster mother shared a solution that she has used with great success. Years ago, this resourceful woman created a family manual. Once the family began using it, things changed for the better. Now, she uses it over and over with each foster child she brings into her family.  That’s right; the official family manual is presented to each child who ...

The parent who sent me this message was seeking help with choosing the right punishment for her teen’s bad choice.  I advised her that punishment rarely works in teaching children valuable lessons and actually can backfire and cause more problems than what the parents started with.  In most cases, the only things that a punishment accomplishes are making the child fearful of the parent and to doing a better job of hiding the misbehavior the next time. A more effective response to a child or teen’s bad choices is a consequence, rather than a punishment.  Consequences help a teen to make smarter choices and are healthier and more respectful forms of discipline.  The consequence can also be selected by both parent and teenager, and should be related directly to the misbehavior.  Over time, using more consequences instead of punishments can actually strengthen the relationship between the parent and the teen.  If this was the first time that you caug...

It’s nearly Christmas and I’m shopping at a department store.  A woman in the isle just ahead of me is pushing her shopping cart and begging her daughter to cooperate with her.  The little girl appears to be about four or five years of age and is dragging her feet and whining that she’s too tired to walk.  Her mom looks very tired and continues to plead with the child to keep moving.  Suddenly the little girl collapses on the floor and mom seems to be on the verge of ‘losing it.’  The woman picks up her daughter swiftly and sets her in the carriage. Once placed in the carriage, the little girl begins kicking her feet and the crying begins.  Soon, she’s demanding to get out of the carriage and her mom is doing everything in her power to hold back her anger. In that moment, I felt so bad for both of them and wished there was something I could do to help.  Both mom and daughter are probably feeling the stress of shopping, the holidays and who kno...

I produce and host a one-hour television show called Creating Cooperative Kids.  The show airs on many public access channels and helps parents and teachers with challenging behavior issues for raising cooperative and resilient children and teens. On a recent episode I featured a group of moms from Connecticut who all co-authored and self-published the book Just Ordinary Moms: True Stories by Moms for Moms in May of 2013.  You’ll find it on Amazon for sure. The book is filled with true stories of motherhood are addicting, entertaining, and heart-warming - you can't read just one!  Motherhood is wonderful, most of the time ~ except when difficult things happen, such as your teenage boy doesn't come home, your daughter is caught with her pants down or text messages lead to terrible truths. The book is also contains sixteen stories, two poems, plus a final haunting story that literally (as they indicated) washed up onto the beach sands of Cape Cod and w...

It’s definitely a different world from the one we experienced as children.  We work harder today to create comfortable lives for our families and it’s hard to accept that our children don’t seem to appreciate what they have and what we do.  In so many ways it’s become a world of instant gratification with just about everything available 24-7 for our convenience.  But it’s up to us to teach our children gratitude through the example we set and the discipline we use at home.     Some parents think that discipline simply involves actions you take when your children misbehave and act out.  It’s not!  As a variation of the word “disciple,” which means to teach or to train, discipline means “the training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement,” and it’s an opportunity we have every time we are with our children.  Parents need to spend more time and effo...

There are two things that I gather up when I bring in the regional weekend paper from my driveway:  my cup of coffee and a roll of duct tape.  Included in that special edition paper is a national column called “Living With Children,” written by a certain family psychologist who often times spouts nonsense that makes my head explode; hence my need for the duct tape. In his latest column, this psychologist tells parents that they should not be wasting their time to get their children to cooperate, but instead, should be delivering direct orders.  He compares this necessary action like an ‘army officer would give direct orders to a private’ (his words, not mine).  But many parents like you and I have realized that autocratic parenting went out generations ago.  Though some families still subscribe to this style of parenting, many have realized that it doesn’t work anymore. What this psychologist suggests is that parents must control their children and i...