Skip to main content

I Want My Son to Play a Sport and Win

I received the following email from a parent:  “My son is getting older and I would like to enroll him in a sport this summer.  I have heard horror stories about parents pushing their kids to win, so how do I encourage him to do his best and want to win without making him feel pressured?”

First of all I want to acknowledge this mom as an awesome parent for wanting to get your son involved with a sports activity.  Both the physical activity and his experience with a team will contribute greatly to his development.  But most importantly, it will keep him off of the video screen and out of his room for a good portion of the time over the summer.

A crucial part of keeping this boy motivated to continue with an activity requires this mom to control and limit the things that would keep her son from wanting to participate in a sport; such as his video games and computer.  I encourage her to put a limitation of time on these time-wasting distractions and definitely keep them out of his room. 

Unless the child was raised with a limitation on entertainment electronics, many boys may not want to go out and "sweat it up" when they can instead, remain in the comfort of their room on YouTube or play with their Xbox.  It's up to this mom to put controls on these nonessential distractions to help keep him focused.

Because of the indisputable psychological fact that children and teens often cooperate the least with the mother, I suggest she reach out to any male family members that your son favors and call them in for assistance.  Have one of these guys (grandfathers, uncles, neighbors, cousins, etc.) individually spend some time with your son, helping him come up with sports that he enjoys. 

And the activity he picks doesn't necessarily have to be a sport.  Some children and teens may find that scouting or table games may be more to their liking.  Everyone isn't wired to want to play an active sport on a team.  There are many activities that will challenge a child or teen and don’t require competition or game play.

If her son is not sure what activity he would like to get involved in, I suggest that she ask the selected male family member to take her son to a few events that he can investigate and observe.  It is very likely that the male family member will be more successful than the mother at getting her boy to open up and explore his likes and dislikes.

Finally, I urge this mom to help her son focus more on what  sport he likes to play, rather than what sport he would like to win at.  We would all love for our kids to strive to win at what they do, but any philosophical teacher will remind you that it's not winning a game that matters, but playing the game that makes it all worth while.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Love and Logic has it Wrong... Again!

Children don’t often demonstrate respect because they either don’t know what it looks like or, as the Father of Individual Psychology, Alfred Adler taught us, their disrespectful behavior is their way of attempting to get unmet needs satisfied.  The secret to getting kids to treat their parents and others with respect is to first treat them with respect and to then help them find their place in the family or the classroom.  But the creators of the LOVE AND LOGIC parenting program would have you believe differently.  All parenting programs are not created equal and in my opinion, many are misguided and offer parents and teachers bad information.  It is my belief that we should not just be demanding and manipulating our kids to be more cooperative, we should be raising children who WANT to cooperate and be engaged in the family or classroom because they feel encouraged to do so. One of those programs that frequently offers misguided information and gimmicks...
6 comments
Read more

When Your Child Says "I HATE YOU!"... They are Really Just Mad

You've done so much for them, slaved for them, and sacrificed for them, and then if you don't give them what they want, they get mad at you. It hardly seems fair, all the things we do for our kids and they don't appreciate it. Then we hear them say things like, "I hate you," or "I hate this house." We hear, "You're a mean mom," or "I'm mad at you!" It's common for kids to get mad at their parents but the solution is the hardest for parents to do... just let them be mad. Effective parents learn quickly that they are not their child's friend; they are their parents. But if the parents aren't prepared to hear it and know how to respond, they get defensive or they get even. Worse, they give in to regain the love the child is withholding. I was in the toy section of a department store one day, shopping for a gift for my grandson. A mom and her little boy were in the same aisle, and the little boy, about seven, was admir...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Some Parents Spank

This is for all the parents who set out NOT to spank their children, but end up doing it anyway; you are NOT bad parents, sometimes you just don’t know what else to do.  I believe you may get frustrated to the point of using it to gain the child’s attention or as an attempt to stop challenging behaviors immediately.  I can say that I've been in your shoes!  I raised 3 children of my own and often felt myself get to the point of having the urge to spank.  So I feel for parents and know how hard it is when our children push our patience to the upper limits. (Photograph courtesy of David Castillo Dominici and freedigitalphotos.net) I was the oldest of eight children and took notice of my parent’s anger and how it would provoke them to the point of spanking, and they did.  I remember having the sense that one or both of them would be bothered by something outside of my control and then I would do something that kids do and it would push them to th...
Post a Comment
Read more