I Want My Son to Play a Sport and Win
I received the following email from a parent: “My son is getting older and I would like to
enroll him in a sport this summer. I
have heard horror stories about parents pushing their kids to win, so how do I
encourage him to do his best and want to win without making him feel
pressured?”
First of all I want to acknowledge this mom as an awesome
parent for wanting to get your son involved with a sports activity. Both the physical activity and his experience
with a team will contribute greatly to his development. But most importantly, it will keep him off of
the video screen and out of his room for a good portion of the time over the
summer.
A crucial part of keeping this boy motivated to continue
with an activity requires this mom to control and limit the things that would
keep her son from wanting to participate in a sport; such as his video games
and computer. I encourage her to put a
limitation of time on these time-wasting distractions and definitely keep them
out of his room.
Unless the child was raised with a limitation on
entertainment electronics, many boys may not want to go out and "sweat it
up" when they can instead, remain in the comfort of their room on YouTube
or play with their Xbox. It's up to this
mom to put controls on these nonessential distractions to help keep him
focused.
Because of the indisputable psychological fact that children
and teens often cooperate the least with the mother, I suggest she reach out to
any male family members that your son favors and call them in for
assistance. Have one of these guys
(grandfathers, uncles, neighbors, cousins, etc.) individually spend some time
with your son, helping him come up with sports that he enjoys.
And the activity he picks doesn't necessarily have to be a
sport. Some children and teens may find
that scouting or table games may be more to their liking. Everyone isn't wired to want to play an
active sport on a team. There are many
activities that will challenge a child or teen and don’t require competition or
game play.
If her son is not sure what activity he would like to get
involved in, I suggest that she ask the selected male family member to take her
son to a few events that he can investigate and observe. It is very likely that the male family member
will be more successful than the mother at getting her boy to open up and
explore his likes and dislikes.
Finally, I urge this mom to help her son focus more on what sport he likes to play, rather than what sport he would like to win at. We would all love for our kids to strive to win at what they do, but any philosophical teacher will remind you that it's not winning a game that matters, but playing the game that makes it all worth while.
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