Bill Corbett

I wanted to take my autistic granddaughter to the butterfly botanical garden near us, but I was afraid she would want to touch everything and ruin the visit. Luckily, they have a list of rules at the entrance, and we went over them together. After reading through them a few times and getting her verbal commitment to follow them, I told her that we needed to come up with a "grandpa thing" (a consequence) that would have to happen if either one of us didn't obey the rules. We went back and forth with ideas until we settled (mainly me) on the (Actual picture of my granddaughter) decision that our adventure at the gardens would end. Knowing her very well, in the past, she would agree to the rules at first, but her autism didn't always allow her to maintain the agreement. The one rule I was most concerned with was that everyone must remain on the walkway and not venture into animal and plant life. Along the way, I watched her struggle with wanting to touch plants and butt...

Some of my readers may be bothered by the fact that I refer to this as the DCF exercise, while others might consider it a gimmick. But I did it with my kids and it worked! Children don’t immediately understand the importance of cooperation, and they may need a little instruction and then coaching on how to participate effectively. This is especially true if you’ve given in to your children more than you should have, and you know it.  Some parents may not need to go this far, but it’s an option for those who wish their kids were more cooperative. Additionally, it can be a fun game that brings your family closer together. At the very least, it’s just another tool for their toolbox. Feel free to leave your comments on whether you support this or not. I value your opinions, so please feel free to share your thoughts. Best parenting tool EVER! Have you ever experienced a situation where you did something amazing for your children, such as taking them to Disney, buying them a game system...

Last week, Massachusetts' highest court determined that parents cannot be charged for spanking their minor children as long as the force used is 'reasonable.' The spanking delivered cannot cause the child physical harm or mental distress. But just because this group of misguided justices says it's OK to hit a child, there are far more effective means for handling misbehavior in young children. Here are five alternatives you can begin using immediately. Satisfy a Need . Children who fall in the 0 - 18 month age bracket do not misbehave; they are simply expressing needs that must be satisfied. Therefore, there is no need to spank or use any other punitive means for managing behavior. During this phase of the child's life, they are moving, touching and making sounds to express a need that parents must learn to interpret and meet. Redirection or Distraction . Toddlers and preschoolers often do things that are annoying or frustrating to the adult: trying to touc...

I saw a friend the other day and complimented him on his suit. It looked freshly pressed and the creases were sharp. To me, it looked like a brand new suit, but in response to my compliment, he quickly said, “It’s just an old suit that I got out of the back of my closet.” Have you ever given someone a compliment like I did, only to have the other person tell you that she got it off the clearance rack at a local clothing store? How did her reply make you feel in that moment? Did you feel energized to provide more or did you feel a sudden let down that your compliment was a waste of time and not accepted? As a parent, how often do you compliment your child or your teen? What about your significant other? Sometimes it seems like we give more compliments to others than we do to our own family. And what about you; what do you say when someone compliments you or your outfit? Have you noticed that you too provide a response that minimizes the gift you just received? I think we do this...

It’s BAD PARENTING 101… that’s what I term some of the advice being offered by Jim Fay and his LOVE AND LOGIC program.   His latest newsletter that arrived in my email box tells parents that when their child demonstrates any typical challenging behaviors, such as lying, arguing or getting mad, the parent should immediately use his “energy drain” technique to get the child to stop. This technique is basically guilt, something that many behavior health experts warn parents NOT to use.  To further explain his energy drain technique, according to Fay, as soon as your child begins to lie or argue, you should make her feel bad about stealing your energy.  And as a result, if your child decides to steal your energy through her behavior, she is going to have to pay you back by making up for it somehow. This is a great technique for controlling your child’s emotions and behavior, by putting him on a guilt trip for being human and for being a child, and then getting reve...

There are two things that I gather up when I bring in the regional weekend paper from my driveway:  my cup of coffee and a roll of duct tape.  Included in that special edition paper is a national column called “Living With Children,” written by a certain family psychologist who often times spouts nonsense that makes my head explode; hence my need for the duct tape. In his latest column, this psychologist tells parents that they should not be wasting their time to get their children to cooperate, but instead, should be delivering direct orders.  He compares this necessary action like an ‘army officer would give direct orders to a private’ (his words, not mine).  But many parents like you and I have realized that autocratic parenting went out generations ago.  Though some families still subscribe to this style of parenting, many have realized that it doesn’t work anymore. What this psychologist suggests is that parents must control their children and i...

Photo courtesy of photographer David Castillo Dominici and Free Digital Photos dot net In my work with parents and teachers on solving behavior challenges with children, I help them identify the problem, possible causes of the behavior, and then possible solutions for eliminating it. My goal is to send the adults away with a few simple step-by-step techniques they can implement immediately to bring about quick change at home or in the classroom. Here are four key questions to ask yourself to help you identify a current behavior issue and some common sense solutions to solve them. QUESTION # 1: Why can’t the behavior occur?  Adults react unnecessarily when children behave in ways that annoy or embarrass the adult, or add more chaos to their already stressed state of mind. Adults also react in this manner in response to feelings of fear that the child may fall down or get hurt in some fashion. Stop before you react unnecessarily and ask yourself, “What is the worst that could...

I received the following email from a parent:   “My son is getting older and I would like to enroll him in a sport this summer.   I have heard horror stories about parents pushing their kids to win, so how do I encourage him to do his best and want to win without making him feel pressured?” First of all I want to acknowledge this mom as an awesome parent for wanting to get your son involved with a sports activity.  Both the physical activity and his experience with a team will contribute greatly to his development.  But most importantly, it will keep him off of the video screen and out of his room for a good portion of the time over the summer. A crucial part of keeping this boy motivated to continue with an activity requires this mom to control and limit the things that would keep her son from wanting to participate in a sport; such as his video games and computer.  I encourage her to put a limitation of time on these time-wasting distractions and de...

This is for all the parents who set out NOT to spank their children, but end up doing it anyway; you are NOT bad parents, sometimes you just don’t know what else to do.  I believe you may get frustrated to the point of using it to gain the child’s attention or as an attempt to stop challenging behaviors immediately.  I can say that I've been in your shoes!  I raised 3 children of my own and often felt myself get to the point of having the urge to spank.  So I feel for parents and know how hard it is when our children push our patience to the upper limits. (Photograph courtesy of David Castillo Dominici and freedigitalphotos.net) I was the oldest of eight children and took notice of my parent’s anger and how it would provoke them to the point of spanking, and they did.  I remember having the sense that one or both of them would be bothered by something outside of my control and then I would do something that kids do and it would push them to th...

Have you ever noticed how your children love to catch you making a mistake, especially when you do something out of order?  Children learn about the world around them by sameness and routine and they crave patterns that they can learn from. One evening we had visitors over for dinner and it was a special occasion.  The food was coming out of the oven in phases to keep it warm.  One of our young guests must have been hungry so she served herself what was on the table and took a bite.  My oldest daughter, the perfectionist child, was quick to catch her breaking a dinner-time rule and called attention to the violation.  Our family procedures had trained her that we all start eating together, after the blessing. Use this teaching tool to your advantage, especially when you want to increase the cooperation from your young children.  Family situations such as the morning rush, dinner time and bedtime are 3 situations that can be stressful on parents an...

It’s time once again to begin preparing for the holidays and gearing up for family, fun, and festivals.  The kids will be getting excited and home for school vacation.  Here are eight tips for ensuring a happier holiday season. TIP # 1:  Good Behavior in Someone Else’s Home At some point prior to arriving at someone else’s home for a holiday party, get to your child’s eye level and go over the rules for being at the party.  You may even ask them to explain the rules to you and don’t be surprised if they already know.  Throughout the event, acknowledge them every time you witness the behavior you want.  If their behavior has been a problem in the past, tell them there will be a consequence to bad behavior and that consequence will be leaving the party.  If you choose this option, be ready to implement it immediately, and don’t punish them.  The punishment is the departure itself and your complete silence on the drive home. TIP # 2:...

Would you like to know about an easy-to-use device that will help you get your kids to cooperate more?  My friends over at TimeTimer.com created the perfect device to help parents transition their kids from one activity to another and it is incredibly effective with parenting.  I’m talking about the visual timer from TimeTimer.co m.  Many of you may already be familiar with the desk top and wall mount models, but I’d like to introduce you to the new  Time Timer Watch Plus ®  that you wear on your wrist.  You’ll notice in the image to the left, that I’m wearing one of these great watches myself and right from the start, what I love most about it is the precision.  The  Time Timer Watch Plus ®  provides you with the exact minute and second as time passes so that you know the exact amount of time you have remaining. Unlike audible timers that simply count down to zero and ring when time has expired, the  Time Timer ®  al...