Skip to main content

One Easy Way to Stop Complaints and Whining

It can be incredibly difficult to hear your child complain when you do so much for her. And then you think back to the little you may have had as a child and then feel this immense surge of resentment when your child complains about what you’ve fixed for dinner. Or it may be why he can’t have an iPhone, what one of her friends has that she wants, having to pick up her toys, or hundreds of other things they object to.

One reason some children may do this is because it works; there may have been times in the past when he or she complained and because you were feeling stressed and annoyed, you may have just caved in and completed the task for her or let him have something else for dinner. Remember, children learn from experience on what works and what doesn’t, at getting their way.

It doesn’t mean they are awful children or ungrateful. They just do things to get what they want, including getting out of having to follow through on things. And even though you may have experienced a hard childhood, your children just don’t care. You can lecture them all you want about what life was like for you, but if they haven’t experienced it, then they don’t get it.

Two powerful words I encourage you to add to your vocabulary and to practice often when a child complains or whines is “I KNOW.” Silly sounding I’m sure, but I challenge you to try it out. And when you say these two words, say them with a calm, relaxed and almost sympathetic tone. Don’t snap the words and don’t shout them, just a calm and lazy, “I know.”


No matter how ridiculous your child’s complaint sounds, avoid the urge to argue with them, convince them, or come across as demanding. When you hear, “We always have to eat broccoli,” avoid the urge to tell him how healthy broccoli is or how there are starving children in foreign countries; there’s a good chance they aren’t going to listen to you at that moment. If your teen says, “I think it’s stupid that I have to come in by 9:00 PM on a weekend,” you’re going to say, “I know.”

Finally, something interesting may occur when saying these two words. After you’ve grown accustomed to using them frequently, some children and teens will actually resist your calm and sympathetic demeanor. Most of my kids and my step kids eventually responded by saying, “Stop saying that, I hate hearing those words!” I would then calmly say, “I know,” and they would run screaming from the room, covering their ears! It became a new “parent power” I never realized I possessed! I was able to stop the whining with very few words or energy.

I’m not recommending that you annoy your children, I’m simply asking you to consider being consistent. You may then find that the whining stops because they don’t want to hear you say, “I know.”
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Love and Logic has it Wrong... Again!

Children don’t often demonstrate respect because they either don’t know what it looks like or, as the Father of Individual Psychology, Alfred Adler taught us, their disrespectful behavior is their way of attempting to get unmet needs satisfied.  The secret to getting kids to treat their parents and others with respect is to first treat them with respect and to then help them find their place in the family or the classroom.  But the creators of the LOVE AND LOGIC parenting program would have you believe differently.  All parenting programs are not created equal and in my opinion, many are misguided and offer parents and teachers bad information.  It is my belief that we should not just be demanding and manipulating our kids to be more cooperative, we should be raising children who WANT to cooperate and be engaged in the family or classroom because they feel encouraged to do so. One of those programs that frequently offers misguided information and gimmicks...
6 comments
Read more

When Your Child Says "I HATE YOU!"... They are Really Just Mad

You've done so much for them, slaved for them, and sacrificed for them, and then if you don't give them what they want, they get mad at you. It hardly seems fair, all the things we do for our kids and they don't appreciate it. Then we hear them say things like, "I hate you," or "I hate this house." We hear, "You're a mean mom," or "I'm mad at you!" It's common for kids to get mad at their parents but the solution is the hardest for parents to do... just let them be mad. Effective parents learn quickly that they are not their child's friend; they are their parents. But if the parents aren't prepared to hear it and know how to respond, they get defensive or they get even. Worse, they give in to regain the love the child is withholding. I was in the toy section of a department store one day, shopping for a gift for my grandson. A mom and her little boy were in the same aisle, and the little boy, about seven, was admir...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Some Parents Spank

This is for all the parents who set out NOT to spank their children, but end up doing it anyway; you are NOT bad parents, sometimes you just don’t know what else to do.  I believe you may get frustrated to the point of using it to gain the child’s attention or as an attempt to stop challenging behaviors immediately.  I can say that I've been in your shoes!  I raised 3 children of my own and often felt myself get to the point of having the urge to spank.  So I feel for parents and know how hard it is when our children push our patience to the upper limits. (Photograph courtesy of David Castillo Dominici and freedigitalphotos.net) I was the oldest of eight children and took notice of my parent’s anger and how it would provoke them to the point of spanking, and they did.  I remember having the sense that one or both of them would be bothered by something outside of my control and then I would do something that kids do and it would push them to th...
Post a Comment
Read more