Skip to main content

10 Things To Do With Children Who Don't Take Disappointment Well



Eight year old Sarah is playing a board game with her brother. Everything is going along well until the boy wins. Sarah gets mad and a meltdown ensues. In another common scenario, five year old Tommy is watching a cartoon on his mother’s iPad. Mom tells Tommy that it’s time to leave and she shuts off the iPad. Tommy throws himself on the floor and begins screaming.

Before I go further with this problem, please take note that this or any of my other articles are not substitutes for family therapy. They contain basic parenting advice for common situations. If your child is demonstrating serious challenging behaviors it is always a good idea to seek out the advice of a behavior health professional. Start with your child’s pediatrician to determine appropriate next steps.

From toddler to school age, the kind of behavior I described in the first paragraph can drive parents nuts. Their first response is often scolding, sympathy, or even lecturing. I’ve seen many parents go right to the child and begin rationalizing with them that their response to the loss or the end of an activity was unnecessary and over the top. The parents mean well as they try to reason with the upset child that it’s “no big deal,” or that there will be a next time.

But trying to change a child’s perspective in the heat of the moment while they are experiencing intense emotion is usually a waste of time. What’s most important in that moment is (1.) for you to remain calm and quiet, (2.) sooth or comfort the child if you can, and (3.) keep them safe from harm caused by the physical aspect of their outburst. The better time to reason with a child is (4.) after the emotion has subsided and they can actually hear you and think clearly.

The actual causes of this kind of behavior could be many. From personality trait, temperament, a lack of parental boundaries, or even physiological influences such as hunger and fatigue. It could also be just a phase the child is going through at the moment. The most important thing you can do as a parent is (5.) to learn the patterns of when this sort of behavior occurs. Take note of what the activity was, the time of day, and any events just prior to the explosive-like behavior. Keeping a (6.) journal will help if you decide to seek help from a therapist or counselor.

Use this information to (7.) plan your child’s activities to minimize the outbursts. Stay one step ahead of them by (8.) setting up clear boundaries for your child with visual limitations on play. (9.) Invite your child to help you determine how long an activity will occur and plan out transitions between activities by including your child in the planning stages. Visual timers and schedules work well because your child can see who much time is left before transition occurs, or they can see the activities that will be taking place.

Finally, (10.) provide encouragement when your child does not get angry at an outcome. Bring their attention to how well they transitioned and ask them open-ended questions that lead them to their own conclusion about how things turned out.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Contact Form

Name

Email *

Message *

About Me

My photo
Bill Corbett
Bill Corbett is a nationally recognized parent educator, author, and speaker known for his practical and compassionate approach to raising children. He has helped countless parents, caregivers, and professionals better understand child behavior and discipline through his workshops, seminars, books, and media appearances. As the creator of the "Love, Limits & Lessons" parenting program, Corbett emphasizes respectful and effective communication, age-appropriate expectations, and the importance of emotional connection in child-rearing. His work is grounded in positive discipline strategies that foster cooperation and confidence in both children and parents.

Popular posts from this blog

Why Love and Logic has it Wrong... Again!

Children don’t often demonstrate respect because they either don’t know what it looks like or, as the Father of Individual Psychology, Alfred Adler taught us, their disrespectful behavior is their way of attempting to get unmet needs satisfied.  The secret to getting kids to treat their parents and others with respect is to first treat them with respect and to then help them find their place in the family or the classroom.  But the creators of the LOVE AND LOGIC parenting program would have you believe differently.  All parenting programs are not created equal and in my opinion, many are misguided and offer parents and teachers bad information.  It is my belief that we should not just be demanding and manipulating our kids to be more cooperative, we should be raising children who WANT to cooperate and be engaged in the family or classroom because they feel encouraged to do so. HOW TO STOP KIDS' BEGGING FOR TOYS One of those programs that frequently offers...
6 comments
Read more

When Your Child Says "I HATE YOU!"... They are Really Just Mad

You've done so much for them, slaved for them, and sacrificed for them, and then if you don't give them what they want, they get mad at you. It hardly seems fair, all the things we do for our kids and they don't appreciate it. Then we hear them say things like, "I hate you," or "I hate this house." We hear, "You're a mean mom," or "I'm mad at you!" It's common for kids to get mad at their parents but the solution is the hardest for parents to do... just let them be mad. Effective parents learn quickly that they are not their child's friend; they are their parents. But if the parents aren't prepared to hear it and know how to respond, they get defensive or they get even. Worse, they give in to regain the love the child is withholding. I was in the toy section of a department store one day, shopping for a gift for my grandson. A mom and her little boy were in the same aisle, and the little boy, about seven, was admir...
Post a Comment
Read more

When A Child Behaves Like a Cat (or Other Characters)

Children experimenting as an animal is absolutely normal. They do it because they are simply exploring or perhaps, to gain some attention. Parents should allow their children to behave like a cat at home and you as the parent, simply ignore it. If your child answers you with a meow, you can simply tell them, "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. I will listen to you when you speak like a little girl." Then just walk away. If your child enters an activity at home meowing like a cat, for example coming to the dinner table. Just calmly tell her that only people can eat at the table and when she returns to being a little girl, she will get food and the rest of the family will speak to her and listen to her again. In other words, don't try to control your child when they are in one of these exploring modes. Let it be and get involved when she tries to participate in the family. Do not meow back at her, do not crawl around on all fours with her and don'...
Post a Comment
Read more