Bill Corbett

  AKA :  The Secret Loving Hand Technique Every parent knows the pain of stepping on a Lego at two in the morning — that sharp, unforgettable reminder that the kids didn’t clean up again. We’ve all been there, asking (or begging) our children to put their toys away, only to find the same mess waiting later. But what if there were a calmer, more loving way to teach kids responsibility — one that doesn’t involve nagging, yelling, or power struggles? Over the years, I discovered one of the most effective and heart-centered methods I’ve ever used. I call it the Loving Hand Technique , and it’s all about connection, agreement, and gentle follow-through. (If you'd rather listen to the podcast version of this blog post, CLICK THIS LINK now. You can also watch the video version on Youtube by CLICKING HERE .) 1. The Two Types of Toys (and Why It Matters) When it comes to toy clutter, not all toys are created equal. I like to think of them as two types: Big, Bulky Toys These ar...

I wanted to take my autistic granddaughter to the butterfly botanical garden near us, but I was afraid she would want to touch everything and ruin the visit. Luckily, they have a list of rules at the entrance, and we went over them together. After reading through them a few times and getting her verbal commitment to follow them, I told her that we needed to come up with a "grandpa thing" (a consequence) that would have to happen if either one of us didn't obey the rules. We went back and forth with ideas until we settled (mainly me) on the (Actual picture of my granddaughter) decision that our adventure at the gardens would end. Knowing her very well, in the past, she would agree to the rules at first, but her autism didn't always allow her to maintain the agreement. The one rule I was most concerned with was that everyone must remain on the walkway and not venture into animal and plant life. Along the way, I watched her struggle with wanting to touch plants and butt...

Some of my readers may be bothered by the fact that I refer to this as the DCF exercise, while others might consider it a gimmick. But I did it with my kids and it worked! Children don’t immediately understand the importance of cooperation, and they may need a little instruction and then coaching on how to participate effectively. This is especially true if you’ve given in to your children more than you should have, and you know it.  Some parents may not need to go this far, but it’s an option for those who wish their kids were more cooperative. Additionally, it can be a fun game that brings your family closer together. At the very least, it’s just another tool for their toolbox. Feel free to leave your comments on whether you support this or not. I value your opinions, so please feel free to share your thoughts. Best parenting tool EVER! Have you ever experienced a situation where you did something amazing for your children, such as taking them to Disney, buying them a game system...

Last week, Massachusetts' highest court determined that parents cannot be charged for spanking their minor children as long as the force used is 'reasonable.' The spanking delivered cannot cause the child physical harm or mental distress. But just because this group of misguided justices says it's OK to hit a child, there are far more effective means for handling misbehavior in young children. Here are five alternatives you can begin using immediately. Satisfy a Need . Children who fall in the 0 - 18 month age bracket do not misbehave; they are simply expressing needs that must be satisfied. Therefore, there is no need to spank or use any other punitive means for managing behavior. During this phase of the child's life, they are moving, touching and making sounds to express a need that parents must learn to interpret and meet. Redirection or Distraction . Toddlers and preschoolers often do things that are annoying or frustrating to the adult: trying to touc...

I saw a friend the other day and complimented him on his suit. It looked freshly pressed and the creases were sharp. To me, it looked like a brand new suit, but in response to my compliment, he quickly said, “It’s just an old suit that I got out of the back of my closet.” Have you ever given someone a compliment like I did, only to have the other person tell you that she got it off the clearance rack at a local clothing store? How did her reply make you feel in that moment? Did you feel energized to provide more or did you feel a sudden let down that your compliment was a waste of time and not accepted? As a parent, how often do you compliment your child or your teen? What about your significant other? Sometimes it seems like we give more compliments to others than we do to our own family. And what about you; what do you say when someone compliments you or your outfit? Have you noticed that you too provide a response that minimizes the gift you just received? I think we do this...

It’s BAD PARENTING 101… that’s what I term some of the advice being offered by Jim Fay and his LOVE AND LOGIC program.   His latest newsletter that arrived in my email box tells parents that when their child demonstrates any typical challenging behaviors, such as lying, arguing or getting mad, the parent should immediately use his “energy drain” technique to get the child to stop. This technique is basically guilt, something that many behavior health experts warn parents NOT to use.  To further explain his energy drain technique, according to Fay, as soon as your child begins to lie or argue, you should make her feel bad about stealing your energy.  And as a result, if your child decides to steal your energy through her behavior, she is going to have to pay you back by making up for it somehow. This is a great technique for controlling your child’s emotions and behavior, by putting him on a guilt trip for being human and for being a child, and then getting reve...

There are two things that I gather up when I bring in the regional weekend paper from my driveway:  my cup of coffee and a roll of duct tape.  Included in that special edition paper is a national column called “Living With Children,” written by a certain family psychologist who often times spouts nonsense that makes my head explode; hence my need for the duct tape. In his latest column, this psychologist tells parents that they should not be wasting their time to get their children to cooperate, but instead, should be delivering direct orders.  He compares this necessary action like an ‘army officer would give direct orders to a private’ (his words, not mine).  But many parents like you and I have realized that autocratic parenting went out generations ago.  Though some families still subscribe to this style of parenting, many have realized that it doesn’t work anymore. What this psychologist suggests is that parents must control their children and i...

Photo courtesy of photographer David Castillo Dominici and Free Digital Photos dot net In my work with parents and teachers on solving behavior challenges with children, I help them identify the problem, possible causes of the behavior, and then possible solutions for eliminating it. My goal is to send the adults away with a few simple step-by-step techniques they can implement immediately to bring about quick change at home or in the classroom. Here are four key questions to ask yourself to help you identify a current behavior issue and some common sense solutions to solve them. QUESTION # 1: Why can’t the behavior occur?  Adults react unnecessarily when children behave in ways that annoy or embarrass the adult, or add more chaos to their already stressed state of mind. Adults also react in this manner in response to feelings of fear that the child may fall down or get hurt in some fashion. Stop before you react unnecessarily and ask yourself, “What is the worst that could...

I received the following email from a parent:   “My son is getting older and I would like to enroll him in a sport this summer.   I have heard horror stories about parents pushing their kids to win, so how do I encourage him to do his best and want to win without making him feel pressured?” First of all I want to acknowledge this mom as an awesome parent for wanting to get your son involved with a sports activity.  Both the physical activity and his experience with a team will contribute greatly to his development.  But most importantly, it will keep him off of the video screen and out of his room for a good portion of the time over the summer. A crucial part of keeping this boy motivated to continue with an activity requires this mom to control and limit the things that would keep her son from wanting to participate in a sport; such as his video games and computer.  I encourage her to put a limitation of time on these time-wasting distractions and de...

This is for all the parents who set out NOT to spank their children, but end up doing it anyway; you are NOT bad parents, sometimes you just don’t know what else to do.  I believe you may get frustrated to the point of using it to gain the child’s attention or as an attempt to stop challenging behaviors immediately.  I can say that I've been in your shoes!  I raised 3 children of my own and often felt myself get to the point of having the urge to spank.  So I feel for parents and know how hard it is when our children push our patience to the upper limits. Stop the Whinning: THE NEW WISH BOOK FOR BOYS I was the oldest of eight children and took notice of my parent’s anger and how it would provoke them to the point of spanking, and they did.  I remember having the sense that one or both of them would be bothered by something outside of my control and then I would do something that kids do and it would push them to their breaking point.  I would g...