Bill Corbett

Some of my readers may be bothered by the fact that I refer to this as the DCF exercise, while others might consider it a gimmick. But I did it with my kids and it worked! Children don’t immediately understand the importance of cooperation, and they may need a little instruction and then coaching on how to participate effectively. This is especially true if you’ve given in to your children more than you should have, and you know it.  Some parents may not need to go this far, but it’s an option for those who wish their kids were more cooperative. Additionally, it can be a fun game that brings your family closer together. At the very least, it’s just another tool for their toolbox. Feel free to leave your comments on whether you support this or not. I value your opinions, so please feel free to share your thoughts. Best parenting tool EVER! Have you ever experienced a situation where you did something amazing for your children, such as taking them to Disney, buying them a game system...

Punishment is a tool designed to make a child "pay for what they did" and to feel bad about the way they acted. The belief is that the bad feeling will stick with them and motivate them to not repeat the behavior or action. But punishment has side effects that can create more problems for the parent then they originally had. For example, making a child feel bad can backfire and motivate them to hide and lie about their mistakes. It can also damage the parent/child relationship. Think back to your own childhood and remember a time when you were punished. How did you feel? How did you feel about yourself at that moment? What did you want to do as a result of the punishment? How did you feel toward the punisher? I've asked these questions numerous times in my workshops and not once did any adult say they felt good about anything in that moment. We now know that making a child feel bad about what they did affects the way they think and feel about them self. ...

Last week, Massachusetts' highest court determined that parents cannot be charged for spanking their minor children as long as the force used is 'reasonable.' The spanking delivered cannot cause the child physical harm or mental distress. But just because this group of misguided justices says it's OK to hit a child, there are far more effective means for handling misbehavior in young children. Here are five alternatives you can begin using immediately. Satisfy a Need . Children who fall in the 0 - 18 month age bracket do not misbehave; they are simply expressing needs that must be satisfied. Therefore, there is no need to spank or use any other punitive means for managing behavior. During this phase of the child's life, they are moving, touching and making sounds to express a need that parents must learn to interpret and meet. Redirection or Distraction . Toddlers and preschoolers often do things that are annoying or frustrating to the adult: trying to touc...

When a young child throws an object, it’s a parent’s reactive response to scold the child and take that object away from him. He may then pick up another object and throw that one, pushing the adult to anger and frustration. And if he doesn’t do it again right away, his fear of the parent may stop his actions for the moment, only to have him do it at some point later on. A parent asked me for help with her child throwing a toy at the ceiling light in his room. Another one asked me how to stop her son from trying to get his socks and underwear hooked on the fins of the ceiling fan in his room. In each of these situations, the parent’s first response was to punish the child by making him pay for damage to the ceiling light fan or even emptying his room of all objects. Melissa and Doug Sunny Patch Verdie Chameleon Beanbag Toss I’m certainly not going to advise allowing children to continue this destructive behavior, nor am I going to suggest punishing the child. We’ve been train...

Photo courtesy of photographer David Castillo Dominici and Free Digital Photos dot net In my work with parents and teachers on solving behavior challenges with children, I help them identify the problem, possible causes of the behavior, and then possible solutions for eliminating it. My goal is to send the adults away with a few simple step-by-step techniques they can implement immediately to bring about quick change at home or in the classroom. Here are four key questions to ask yourself to help you identify a current behavior issue and some common sense solutions to solve them. QUESTION # 1: Why can’t the behavior occur?  Adults react unnecessarily when children behave in ways that annoy or embarrass the adult, or add more chaos to their already stressed state of mind. Adults also react in this manner in response to feelings of fear that the child may fall down or get hurt in some fashion. Stop before you react unnecessarily and ask yourself, “What is the worst that could...

This is for all the parents who set out NOT to spank their children, but end up doing it anyway; you are NOT bad parents, sometimes you just don’t know what else to do.  I believe you may get frustrated to the point of using it to gain the child’s attention or as an attempt to stop challenging behaviors immediately.  I can say that I've been in your shoes!  I raised 3 children of my own and often felt myself get to the point of having the urge to spank.  So I feel for parents and know how hard it is when our children push our patience to the upper limits. Stop the Whinning: THE NEW WISH BOOK FOR BOYS I was the oldest of eight children and took notice of my parent’s anger and how it would provoke them to the point of spanking, and they did.  I remember having the sense that one or both of them would be bothered by something outside of my control and then I would do something that kids do and it would push them to their breaking point.  I would g...

Timeout doesn’t work as it is used in many families because it is being used as punishment and not as it was originally designed. Timeout should actually be a method for teaching a child how to control himself or herself, and should only be used when a child is out of control and NOT for any other situations. When timeout is used as punishment the child does not learn lessons of any value, and instead picks up unhealthy messages that he or she is a bad child and less than whole. Sticking a child in timeout simply serves as a way for the adult to control a child or get even, and gives the caregiver a sense of satisfaction or revenge for what the child did. WHAT IT SHOULD BE Timeout was designed to be used effectively only when a child is out of control and must be removed from a situation so as to regain some self-control and calm down. In this out of control state, some sort of emotional “thunderstorm” has blown in for the child. He may be getting angry and be unable to understand ...

To parent in a way that appears different from the mainstream requires courage and faith that you will make a difference in your child’s character. I know the challenge of being true to this courage and faith, because I experienced it as a dad and many of you are facing the challenge today. You don’t allow your children to be “plugged in” to the video screen without restrictions. You allow your children to express their feelings and have their tantrums. You have limitations on what they can and cannot do or see. You are a parent who has set up respectful rules, agreements, and consequences, and have taken time to develop strong relationships with your children. You are a parent who avoids yelling, punishing, or reacting to your children’s testing and then suffers the wrath of criticism from those who notice it. You don’t provide your young teens with cell phones or allow them to have a MySpace page, just because everyone else does. All the while, your family members, parents, neighbors...