Bill Corbett

A mom recently told me she had been using praise to motivate her three-year-old daughter to stay dry through the night. If the little girl awoke each morning with a dry diaper, her mom would praise her. One particular morning the child apparently took off her diaper and brought it to her mom to show the great results and receive her praise. But later that morning, mom found the REAL diaper that was worn that night–hidden in the child’s bedroom and wet! I don’t normally support praise, although the exception can be when working with toddlers and preschoolers. Praise can be effective when teaching something new that may be difficult for very young children to master. Praise can give them confidence and motivate them to cooperate with you. The acceptable form of praise in these cases is in expressing delight for your child’s accomplishment but avoiding labeling them as a good boy or girl. Adults must be cautious because the side effects of this praise can be motivation to do whatever i...

Timeout doesn’t work as it is used in many families because it is being used as punishment and not as it was originally designed. Timeout should actually be a method for teaching a child how to control himself or herself, and should only be used when a child is out of control and NOT for any other situations. When timeout is used as punishment the child does not learn lessons of any value, and instead picks up unhealthy messages that he or she is a bad child and less than whole. Sticking a child in timeout simply serves as a way for the adult to control a child or get even, and gives the caregiver a sense of satisfaction or revenge for what the child did. WHAT IT SHOULD BE Timeout was designed to be used effectively only when a child is out of control and must be removed from a situation so as to regain some self-control and calm down. In this out of control state, some sort of emotional “thunderstorm” has blown in for the child. He may be getting angry and be unable to understand ...

Our children today have little concept of money. They see us pull out “the card” for most of our purchases or drive up to the automated teller machine and press a few buttons to access what they think is an endless supply of cash. And when they see us purchasing luxuries such as a 42” plasma screen, the latest fancy cell phone, or a GPS for the car, they don’t understand why we won’t buy them the latest toy they want. For a moment, imagine this scene: an adult and child are in a store and the adult tells the child “no” to a purchase he wants. The child then throws himself on the floor in a fit because mom won’t buy him the toy. Mom then becomes upset because she begins to feel resentful that her child doesn’t seem to appreciate all that she’s done for him or purchased for him up to this point. In the back of her mind she is thinking about all she’s purchased in spite of the fact that she struggles to get by with the little money she brings in each month on her own. Her feeling of resen...

To parent in a way that appears different from the mainstream requires courage and faith that you will make a difference in your child’s character. I know the challenge of being true to this courage and faith, because I experienced it as a dad and many of you are facing the challenge today. You don’t allow your children to be “plugged in” to the video screen without restrictions. You allow your children to express their feelings and have their tantrums. You have limitations on what they can and cannot do or see. You are a parent who has set up respectful rules, agreements, and consequences, and have taken time to develop strong relationships with your children. You are a parent who avoids yelling, punishing, or reacting to your children’s testing and then suffers the wrath of criticism from those who notice it. You don’t provide your young teens with cell phones or allow them to have a MySpace page, just because everyone else does. All the while, your family members, parents, neighbors...

A mom once asked me for help with a situation involving her two boys, ages 5 and 7. She said they were constantly fighting at the morning breakfast table. She wanted a quick-fix solution to the problem because it was driving her crazy. As in all instances when I am asked about behavior situations, I need more information about what was going on just before and during the problem. This additional information helps me assess what may be causing the problem and come up with possible solutions. I asked mom what she is usually doing at the time of the fighting and she told me that she is scurrying around to get lunches made and the house picked up before they leave for the day. She admitted she is likely to be barking orders and making demands on the boys out of frustration for always running late. We can all relate. My solution for her… sit down with the boys at the table, set a timer for 10 minutes, and for her not to talk, just listen. She thought it was the dumbest idea she had ever hea...

I spoke with a New York reporter today who was working on a story about the mixed messages adults send children about not tattling, yet they want their children to bring problems to the adults attention. On one hand, adults encourage children to “tell mommy when something is wrong,” and then on the other hand, mommy yells at little Johnny when he follows through and complains about something his sister is doing down the hall. Is this a mixed message? You bet.   I encourage parents to remove “tattling” from their vocabulary and don’t bring any attention to it. A child should be encouraged to always bring something they see as a problem to the caregiver’s attention because the child has to develop the sense as to whether something needs an adult’s attention or not. This will be developed over time through the healthy experience of interacting with the adult in reporting a problem. This means that every time a child brings a problem to the adult, the adult should remai...

It’s Christmas day and I've got a few minutes when everyone at our house is busy. I have a soon-to-be twelve year-old stepdaughter and I’m enjoying raising her and having the opportunity to influence her in so many positive ways. I've been Olivia’s step dad since she was 8 years old. My own children are grown and all in their twenties, leading productive lives. I’m getting to do it all over again and I love it. The Christmas gift that seems to have been the biggest hit was the knee-high sneakers we got her. You know, those black canvas things with the white rubber soles. She’s got them all laced up and has had them on since we opened gifts this morning (they looked the best with her pajamas and bathrobe).  It’s been wonderful this morning, watching her be a little girl once again, a nice break from the regular hormonal rages and her regular disdain for wanting to be with her mother and I. It seems like just yesterday, she was 9 and collecting Web...